For years, I never really understood
mental health. For the first 24 years of my life, it was never
something I came face-to-face with – my family don't particularly
have a history of it, I've always been pretty carefree and it's not
something I've ever got into a deep conversation about with people I
know.
In early 2015, little did I know, that
was all about to change.
I met my partner in the April – our
first date was a couple of casual drinks at a local pub, and I'm
delighted to say, the relationship blossomed quickly from there.
She was (and still is) the most
incredible person ever to come into my life. She's incredibly kind,
generous, loyal, supportive and sweet. We have so much in common, and
I truly cherish every single second I get to spend with her.
A few months into the relationship,
however, she was diagnosed with anxiety.
Initially I thought I was to blame, and
used to beat myself up about it, even getting pretty down myself at
times. I constantly looked at what I was doing and questioned what I
could change about myself to make things better for her.
Safe to say, I wasn't prepared for it.
To me, anxiety was that thing we all get on the day of a big exam,
the first day at a new job or whilst a loved one is sick. A few
positive thoughts and the great healer that is time, and it would all
be gone.
Anxiety when it comes to mental
illness, however, is a completely different ball game. It can strike
indiscriminately, at any time, in any circumstance – your feelings
become overwhelming.
Even now, a year on, as I write this
blog, I cannot truly begin to understand what it must really be like
for someone who faces a daily battle with their own thoughts an
emotions. In fact, what I know now probably doesn't even scratch the
surface.
That said, it's something I now live
with on a daily basis.
A short while ago, my partner sat me
down and said to me: “if this... my anxiety ever gets too much and
you decide you cannot be with me anymore, I understand.” Those
words still resonate with me, and the fact those thoughts even went
through her mind breaks my heart.
The truth is, I love my girl to pieces.
It isn't simply her anxiety that defines her – she has so much to
offer, and there are a thousand reasons for why I love her – that
would be another blog in itself! If her anxiety alone was enough for
me to just get up and leave, perhaps it would have meant our
relationship had little else going for it.
This is the first blog I am going to
write on the subject, and I anticipate there will be many more to
come. It will focus on what it is like to be the partner of someone
suffering from a mental illness, and indeed how it affects a
relationship.
I'm not seeking pity or commendation –
they're the last things I want. I consider myself to be the luckiest
guy in the world to have such a remarkable person in my life.
What I do want to do, however, is reach
out to other men and women who have a partner or spouse living with
mental illness, and share experiences. Sure it's tough, but there
will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.
A lot of progress is being made in
terms of people's awareness of mental illnesses such a stress,
anxiety and depression, but there is little advice or support for the
partners who share the experience with them.
The partners of mental illness
sufferers are no heroes – they're just men and women who care
deeply for their significant other. They are the ones who stay up
late at night comforting their companion when the anxiety makes it
impossible to sleep.
If this blog only manages to reassure
one person that they are not alone, and that there are other people
in the same boat as them, for me it will have been a success.
If you ever wish to write to me to
share your experiences, email me at wtaylor1991@live.co.uk.
